It's What You Don't Say That Matters Most

Me: And then I went to a Leonard Cohen concert and [blah blah something happened].

Shrink: Leonard Cohen concert?! He's still alive?

This is a Cow Eye

Notes From the First Night of Class

* Ameoba look like Funfetti under a microscope!!

* Applied learning, direct from the professor:
"A good way, if you wanna do someone in -- and I'm blanking on the poison name here -- is to do something that'll keep oxygen from getting into the mitochondria."

* There is now a Whole Foods one block away from the school, and since the class gets out Saturdays at noon, brunch just got a whole lot more carrot cakey. Hooray!

* Our assignment was to look at the letter 'e' under a microscope. Since the class is made up of pretty high-functioning people, we all managed to do this in about 3 minutes. Then our teacher said "I have to go get some more notes to give you guys since you're hot shots and did that so quickly." So look forward to me using the phrase "hot shots" at every available opportunity for the next year or so.

* Overheard!
White person at community college: Yeah, I just have a lot of class rage because of how I was raised.
Other student: You have a lot of what?
WPACC: Class rage. I just don't think anyone should be paid that amount.

More class rage sure to follow -- right here on The Second Degree internet website!

(image from Two Novice Chefs...)

College Update

I'd been wrestling with whether to go this semester, since it's 7 hours on a weekend and I might throw up from boredom.

But I finally decided to suck it up, so last month I re-registered at school. And then I couldn't get into any of the sections. At all. They were all full. And then registration closed. A seat in Anatomy & Physiology is the community college equivalent of a Leonard Cohen ticket, apparently.

But now I think I've bullied my way into getting approved by the department head to register. But then that means I will have to go. So there are pluses and minuses.

In the meantime, I've made my job manageable, but I'm not sure that makes up for the fact that the industry is dying and there is no career longevity in it. So, you know, nursing. Onward and Saturdayward.

PS I got an A in internet psychology for idiots.

3 Lists

(Because lists do really well on digg, didn't you know?)

1. Things I have lost in my apartment in the last two weeks:

• $250 gift card
• my camera
• a cinnamon roll while I was eating it

2. Things my mom bought for me while she was visiting (not including meals & entertainment):

• groceries (including 5 liters of Diet Coke)
• flowers
• lipstick and eyeshadow
  
• a candy thermometer, a coffee spoon, and a dishtowel with a hilarious catticism on it
• a purple yoga top
• 9 pairs of socks, 1 pair of leggings, 10 pairs of thunderpants
• 3 shirts
• 168 pounds of cat litter

3. Things she brought in her suitcase:

• cinnamon roll ingredients
• toffee, chocolate-pb rice krispie bars
• 6 steaks (for my brother)
• 12-pack cat food
• 4-pack toilet paper (used to help keep things in place)
  

Scenes from 9th Ave.

I took these about half an hour after I saw an old drunk guy being shuffled into an ambulance.

Some Good News, Some Bad News

The Good: I finally figured out why my apartment has been smelling so funky lately, particularly in the refrigerator corner of things. I'd feared it was some sort of cat litter thing. But in fact, it seems that at some point in the past, I optimistically bought produce, and then someone helpful (my mom or cleaning lady, I'm guessing) put said produce in the crisper for safekeeping. Results below.


The Bad: I have absolutely no guesses as to what sort of foodstuffs the above items once were, and I may be wanted for questioning in several ongoing investigations.

Guess Who Posted this in Internet College?

"Okay, honestly.. yes, it's that time of the month. I know this is personal, but I'm finding myself feeling a different emotion every 5 minutes. I went to the mall today.. oh boy. I felt happy, excited, then anxious and pressured. Most of the time, I felt them all at once. By the time I left I was pissed off over something rediculous, pleased with my purchases, anxious to get out of there, excited to be leaving, sad to be leaving. Hahah, I didn't know what to think. By the time I got home I wanted to cry.. over the smallest thing ever. Of course.. but It's crazy how we can feel so many different emotions in such a short time, it's almost overwhelming (which is also how I felt!)
-- Men don't make things any better!"

Give up? That's right! NOT ME!

On Obesity

I just wanted to let you know that since I've gotten big (I won't say put on weight, since the scale is telling me that I've simply "softened up"), I have not had any of my violent hangovers. So there is a silver lining -- I told you I'm a hopeless optimist!

Speaking of my last post, it's become clear to me that you think I'm making an exaggerated statement for emphasis, so let me state facts: I went on a date with an Irish construction worker whose birthday is May 25th. Two years ago, I went on a date with an Irish construction worker whose birthday is May 25th. They are not the same people. Twist ending! Whatever. You shut up.

(photo and omg what a photo: nutmeg66, Flickr)

Good News and Bad News

The bad news is that I'm about 50 pounds short of the weight requirement for someone my height to start taking alli, (the only FDA approved, over-the-counter weight loss product).

The good news is that means I get to put on 50 pounds, and then start losing weight for real.

Brush With Death! (Warning: Spoilers [The Real Kind])

DON'T WORRY America. I am safe and sound after another terrifying night out at the movies. But it's true, I almost died of

a) shame that I had not ever heard of the Wineville Chicken Coop Murders

b) fracas

Fortunately, Changeling got out at about 11.

By Commenter Request

Actual excerpt from the discussion from my online Intro to Psychology class:

Question:
Transportation workers(airline pilots, truck drivers, bus drivers)are not allowed to exceed a specific number of work hours per day. What argument might you make supporting the continuance(or discontinuance) of such laws?

Reply:
I remember one time my fiancé and I were driving on the highway and we were on the side of a tractor trailer. I noticed the vehicle swerving slightly and when I looked out the window I could see the man driving with his eyes closed. They were closed for only seconds, but that's all it takes.

Reply:
wow what a scary situation. I cant even imagine having that happen since I am afraid enough of passing tractor trailers on the highway without them swerving. You are completely correct though that all it takes is a few seconds unfortunately. And those few seconds can determine life and death when you are operating such a powerful machine. Scary stuff to think about.

I started keeping an ongoing list of but after about two days, it got too depressing to even make fun of. I still have a few saved though if you guys want to see more.

Really makes your mouth water for the Oct. 27 kickoff of my next semester, no!?

Uncomfortable Proof that Your Boss Watches Lots of Lightly-Scripted Porn

So we're doing this marketing thing that's a checklist of everyone you buy presents for over the holidays. Included in the list that my boss spruced up:
* Best friend
* Weird cousin
* The foodie
* The cute delivery guy

Academia

Fact: This study about nurses in the movies is interesting. I wrote away for the full text and will update you with specifics when/if I get it.

Absolutely Disgusting

Yesterday I was walking and I could feel the fat around my right femur start to slosh around every time I took a step. I think my body is atrophying.

Helmet Time!

I know you guys get excited when I say that because it means I'm about to blow your MINDS. So let me get right to the point: I just bought some high-waisted pants. And they are awesome, because they have a really long inseam. And I guess what I'm trying to say is that from waist to hem these pants are FORTY SEVEN INCHES LONG. Just think about it. That is almost four feet of pantsdom. Seriously, go measure your pants and get back to me once you've absorbed it all. OMG I'm going to be so tall!

PS: Shopping report: What is up with suit skirts that go down to your knees? That is disgusting.

Photo credit: I took this Keira pic from rubyglam, which apparently is a website that exists.

Late-Expressing Genetic Link

So after our final on Monday, a few of us went out for several drinks. The four of us who had all gotten BAs already were talking about the decision to start taking classes and eventually leave our jobs (two of us work in publishing/media, one is a "refurbishing specialist" or somesuch at a big Fifth Avenue store, and another works for a city health nonprofit). What we all have in common is that we're taking prerequisites so we can get into a second-degree BSN program... and our mothers are all nurses!

What I'm thinking is that if scientists can locate the exact nursing gene, they can reproduce it and graft it into regular people and stop the nursing shortage ASAP. Actually, what am I saying, "scientists"? I've had one semester of community college chemistry, I'm pretty sure I can take it from here.

PS This picture really is of my mom. She's super pretty. We look nothing alike sadly.

I Can't Even Believe This Was a CNN Headline

This was on cnn.com last night, true story. The one about the Air Force, see? (Since I know you're busy, just FYI it says "In-suit device solves Air Force's No. 1 problem," or click to enlarge for proof.) Anyway the article is about a new device that allows pilots to go pee while they're flying. So how is that the Air Force's top priority? Because they're going number one. GET IT?!?

If you're wondering why I clicked on a story about the Air Force, the truth is that I mistakenly read "In-suit device" as "Insult device" so obviously I had to look.

Two Types of People Who Freak Me Out

Just for your files:

1. Ladies with long torsos. They look like snakes to me. I wonder how it is possible that they can have the same number of backbones as I do. I think that each vertebra must be the size of a coffee cup. I can't stop staring.

2. People who don't move their arms when they walk. Sounds random but TRY IT and you will know exactly who I mean. Why do they walk that way and what are they trying to hide?!?!?

Listen, I Never Went to Tracker School or Anything

BUT I have reason to believe that an animal may have slept on my clean laundry:

And also that today while I was at work, there may have been a fight between a certain pet and my sleep mask:

Don't ask me how I know these things, okay? It's just something I sense.