You know, I often am filled with rage, but it's important to focus on the positive as well. That's why I'd like to take a moment to salute our handsome neighbors to the east. And by that I mean, of course, Holland.
This fine nation creates a steady stream of guys who look like they're from Connecticut minus the date rape gene. They travel in girl-free packs, speak excellent English*, and something about their accent makes them sound like they're being sarcastic 100% of the time, so I always feel that they truly understand me. Don't know what I mean? Just click on this audio file I personally recorded, mastered, and downloaded:
AMSTERDAMESE_WAV.MP3
What? It's not loading for you? Man, when's your computer from, 1923? You must need to download the plug-in. I can't believe you don't have it already. Everyone does, I dunno dude, maybe call your IT department, but don't be surprised if they laugh at you for being so uncool. No, it's fine, I'll sit here and wait. Whatever—you've gotta hear this.
*I took Spanish all through high school and college, yet at no point would I ever be able to say "I work in intake at a prison for the criminally insane" or "I'm a field hockey coach" in another language, and these kids all can just from their basic education. Geniuses!
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