Don't Moms Just Say the Darndest Things?

Last night my (bio) mom said, "Your first year at this job is going to be the hardest."

Hahahhhahahahhhhahhhahhahhahahah? Oh still laughing.

I Thought I'd Left All This Behind

... when I left the sex-book job but yesterday I found myself having to explain to the girl who cries at work that the c-word part of a female's anatomy is not located inside the v-area.

Also this week the company gave out awards to the most "ethical" employees. I think my department is the most ethically-diverse, which has to count for something. ZING!

What I Know About This Semester's Online Course

1. 87% of our grade is based on the two-a-week multiple choice, automatically-graded tests. I read the book this week but from the 15-minute exams I just took I think there's a good chance I can skip that part if I'm pressed for time.

The other 13% is how much we blather meaningfully on various topics in the discussion.

2. In the icebreaker post about why we're taking the class, one girl explained that it's to understand why her boyfriend died. So there's that.

This is how online learning was meant to be.

French Toast Post II

Okay first off, I'm not feeling bad about not cooking anymore, since tonight I decided to make French toast and the ingredients cost me $25. And that wasn't even for the eggnog kind, since it's not eggnog season yet so I couldn't find any.

Does anyone need 10 eggs?

Also I think I might be pregnant with a rage baby. It would explain my incessant craving for French toast and my rage-baby bump. Details about my rage-baby shower TK.

Bad, Bad Economic Times

So it's not just that I know three people who've been laid off from three jobs in the last week, or that my former employer totally folded the week before that, or that my current employer is constantly thisclose to being sold, or that I accidentally looked at my IRA statement.

But recently my mailbox started filling up with something I hadn't ordered. Yep, my subscription to Positive Thinking magazine has been rolled over to a publication I haven't seen since I lived at home with my mom who got it.

Check out what happens when you go to www.positivethinkingmag.com. That is some sad irony, friends.

What Happens When You Are Old and Join Facebook

So this Cool Older Guy I had the MOST GINORMOUS CRUSH EVER on in junior high (which is to say, I heard he liked The Cure) friended me on Facebook. And I have not felt this validated in years.

Another Piece of Information About the Movie Changeling

(This one is not a spoiler.)

It will make you -- and by that I mean it is making me -- crave French toast all the time.

And then I went on flickr to try and art it and I came across something called Eggnog French Toast. Seriously dudes, could anything be better than the holidays?!?

Good News and Bad News

The bad news is that I'm about 50 pounds short of the weight requirement for someone my height to start taking alli, (the only FDA approved, over-the-counter weight loss product).

The good news is that means I get to put on 50 pounds, and then start losing weight for real.

Brush With Death! (Warning: Spoilers [The Real Kind])

DON'T WORRY America. I am safe and sound after another terrifying night out at the movies. But it's true, I almost died of

a) shame that I had not ever heard of the Wineville Chicken Coop Murders

b) fracas

Fortunately, Changeling got out at about 11.

By Commenter Request

Actual excerpt from the discussion from my online Intro to Psychology class:

Question:
Transportation workers(airline pilots, truck drivers, bus drivers)are not allowed to exceed a specific number of work hours per day. What argument might you make supporting the continuance(or discontinuance) of such laws?

Reply:
I remember one time my fiancé and I were driving on the highway and we were on the side of a tractor trailer. I noticed the vehicle swerving slightly and when I looked out the window I could see the man driving with his eyes closed. They were closed for only seconds, but that's all it takes.

Reply:
wow what a scary situation. I cant even imagine having that happen since I am afraid enough of passing tractor trailers on the highway without them swerving. You are completely correct though that all it takes is a few seconds unfortunately. And those few seconds can determine life and death when you are operating such a powerful machine. Scary stuff to think about.

I started keeping an ongoing list of but after about two days, it got too depressing to even make fun of. I still have a few saved though if you guys want to see more.

Really makes your mouth water for the Oct. 27 kickoff of my next semester, no!?

David Loves These Jokes So Bad

What do you call a clever turn of phrase you're not sure how best to use?

A conpundrum.

What do you call a clever turn of phrase with poor interpersonal skills?

Dyspunctional.

Uncomfortable Proof that Your Boss Watches Lots of Lightly-Scripted Porn

So we're doing this marketing thing that's a checklist of everyone you buy presents for over the holidays. Included in the list that my boss spruced up:
* Best friend
* Weird cousin
* The foodie
* The cute delivery guy

Academia

Fact: This study about nurses in the movies is interesting. I wrote away for the full text and will update you with specifics when/if I get it.

$70 Medication Side Effect

Every fourth Tuesday, my sense of smell becomes superhuman. I can smell random people on the street, the two-days old weed in my yoga teacher's hair, someone's lunch three cubes over, whatever.

So yesterday I went outside and smelled lilacs and the scent was so strong, I had to stop and calculate what month it was. The smell kept going for an entire block and I finally realized I was following a woman who must be the source of the lilac smell.

I asked her what fragrance she was wearing (SUPER CREEPY of me, BTW), and she said it was a Jo Malone lotion, so I went to the store and smelled things until I found the lilac smell, which apparently is actually a French lime blossom smell which apparently is actually a linden smell. But hey, it was my front yard and my childhood so I'll call it a lilac smell if I want.

And I didn't even blink at paying $70 for an 8-ounce bottle of lotion (WTF?!) because a) I'm about to live on loans for a year my IRA lost 20% there's no economy we're all doomed anyway and b) it smelled SO GOOD. And I blame the Pill for the hormonal fluctuations that give me my olfactory superpowers.

The end. Now go submit a journal article about that. Lates.

Guess What I Just Changed?

The template of this page, so not EVERYTHING has to be in green bold right on top of everything else.

Guess how I did that?
HTML, people.

Let me know what you think. It's not perfect, but it's better.

And look, I know I've been terrible about posting. But, like my boss, I don't see that -- or ANYTHING -- as a negative. I see it as an opportunity to grow. Specifically, it's a great opportunity for you to slow down and grow some patience. Here's a picture from the esteemed internet as an apology.

Plus, school starts up again in a week -- another internet psychology class. So that's sure to provide plenty of new things for me to rage about that I can't talk about at work.