The Most Boring Secret Life EVER

I always imagined that leading a double life would involve some exciting after-hours pursuit, say, sex work or private investigating or freelance assassining. Community college student never really crossed my mind.

Since I already have a job—and hope to continue doing so for the two and a half years until I begin Imaginary Nursing School–I generally am not telling people that I'm taking, of all things, chemistry. Even though it's an insanely dull piece of potential gossip, were someone to innocently mention to someone I work with who'd mention it to a boss, I'd be seen as a sitting duck and tortured or elbowed out.

Mostly it's tough because I've never been a secretive person, often erring on the ugly side of self-disclosure. For now, I'm sticking to the expert advice I've collected on how to lie—keep it simple and don't offer details. "I can't, sorry," seems to be so far effective. But it's a little more awkward with the people close to me who I like, but who know enough types in my industry to make it a risk to tell them. Especially when I had standing Monday night appointment viewing plans with some.

I talked it over with my friend Elsie–she's good at keeping secrets and used to work in my biz. She said she thought it'd be totally fair to just say that yes, I have class, and if anyone asks, that's it's a writing workshop. That makes sense, because I work in books and know scads of people who take those. And it's unlikely whoever I'm talking to would ask questions, because who in God's name wants to be invited to a reading or offered a first look at an ill-written memoir? Elsie says if she found out later that someone had lied about that, it would make sense and not feel like a personal slight.

We'll just assume for now that I won't get caught making copies of the chem labs at work.