Upsides to Downswings

Sorry to make my blog so insanely personal for a second you know it's not my style but the fact is that for the last two months, I've been alternately super-moony or super-down because of what I'm going to call a Boy Problem (BP). And yeah I'm super embarrassed to admit that.

Still, here is what I've learned, so that you the viewer can take away some valuable lessons:

1. Freud's right. In sociology we learned about his theory of libido -- not as in sex drive but as in a human's energy reserves. They can only really go one place at a time. So the upside is that for a whole two months, as long as I was wrapped up in the BP, I was barely enraged by my job. Miracle! The down/upside is that today for the first time in two months, I felt a little bit of distance from the BP. The up/downside to that is that today, for the first time in two months, I wanted to build a suicide bomb and put my job in it. Jesus god. WTF.*

2. If you love someone, set them free. And also hook up with their coworker to teach them a lesson they'll never find out about. If they come back to you, or if they don't, who really cares, the whole thing is obviously a disaster to start with.

3. I'm a disaster. The good news is that I'm realizing that the same commitmentphobia that keeps me from being with someone is also probably very closely linked to my belief that I have no career future. They are both about having no frame of reference for being good enough to do something the rest of the world totally gets. And filling my time by taking classes and working out (and then drinking when I'm not doing those) serves both of those anxieties so I don't have to think about them. Yay self-medication!

Seriously, I'm pretty sure that most of you knew this and never told me. Sometimes I don't know why I go around bullying my friends and giving them tough love if they're never going to return the favor.

4. Question. Do you think I'm pretty enough to be on Tough Love 2? I mean, me neither, but how great would that be? I think Steve is like a mini Dr. Phil. I love them both. That reminds me, I need to read Love Smarts soon. And also all the career books I bought that I have in my room but never look at because if I'm not at work, why on earth would I want to read about it?!

* My favorite thing about my job is the people there and the relationships I've built there (excluding any references in #2). Except all those people are eight years younger than me, which makes me the pathetic old creepy lady I think, so seriously... FAIL.**

** Don't worry I'm a success at some things. I'm very tan now, for one, and BP was like 140 pounds so I lost some damn weight.

(photo credit, WolfS♡ul, Flickr)

SNACKS

I don't know if I can tell you enough how much you must try Liberte Mediterranee yogurt if you see it. The Plum and Walnut is hello delicious it tastes like purple and NOW THEY HAVE COCONUT FLAVOR TOO.

Also you are all fired for not telling me sooner about sea salt and vinegar potato chips. They almost make up for my complete lack of reason for being.

Hello, Do You Have Google?

Well then good news -- you too could likely pass this "take-home test." (You can see it bigger if you click.)

Just a reminder -- I get COLLEGE CREDIT for this. COLLEGE. The same stuff people spend 20 years paying off.

Also, someone was asking me what classes I had left and after I listed them I was convinced I was missing one, and that's when it hit me -- after next week, I am halfway done with my prereqs! I can apply this fall and start next damn May if I want.

That's really exciting, and also really scary. I might slow down a bit. I dunno. I'm terrified and confused. But, again, halfway done, so yay for that, you know?

This is a Cow Eye

You Know What Nobody Wants to See on the Train?

A 40something white dude who looks sort of like Francis Dollarhyde from Manhunter, sitting by himself with a Hannah Montana backpack and pin on his jacket and reading this book. Eeeeescchchch.

School Update

I know I haven't written much about classes but there's not a ton to tell you. I go there, I sit still, I leave.

We've had three tests, and I've gotten a 93, 96, and 103 on them. I also haven't read any of the book (why confuse myself?). It is basically a middle-school level anatomy course, and it turns out I'm super-qualified to pass middle school science. (Multiple people have noted that they hope I will never be their nurse.)

The photo to the left is a sheep brain that we dissected Friday with the instructions: "So, dissect that." We didn't have to ID or find or notice anything. We just cut it up for half an hour then went home. True story. Also the week before our teacher asked us to bring gloves if we had them. She played around with the brain with her bare hands. Fact.

Another Vacation Book Roundup, Folks

I'm not giving out palm trees this time because I don't have any sense of scale. All of these books were entertaining and satisfying except for the one I didn't finish. Bought and Deal Breaker were my favorites.

The Reader by Bernhard Schlink
I liked this because it was about someone I can relate to, a Nazi pedophile lady who never talked about her feelings. The first part was great, the years-later stuff got kind of boring because there wasn't much going on besides a white guy's guilt. Still, overall, a good time.

Never Tell A Lie, by Hallie Ephron
This was a pretty good mix of chick lit (in that there was someone my age in it) and thriller, where a pregnant lady's husband is accused of killing a high school pal. There was one thread about a former owner of their home and that sort of went nowhere, which was disappointing. Also once I read one of the quotes on the back, about revenge and grudges, I pretty much guessed the ending, which is always a bad sign since I'm easily taken for a ride by even the most base of reality programs.

Remains to Be Seen, by Jim Ingraham
This was by a local author (and it had a pun in the title) so I got it as my idiot tax for reading so many bad books all the time. It's about a Maine college president who is found strung up and murdered, maybe by his wife or some college jocks or some pro-choicers or some corrupt local politicians scandal scandal intrigue etc. It wasn't as heavily Maine-ish as I would have liked but it moved along pleasantly.

Bought, by Anna David
This was the funnest easiest read in a while -- I mean. It's about girls in LA who aren't outright whores but who hang out with guys in exchange for rent and purses and shoes and other fancy things. Juicy and dirty and based on research Anna really did with these girls.

Deal Breaker, by Harlan Coben
So whenever I go on vacation I'm always super depressed for the first few days because I'm faced with empty days to fill with the realization that I'm an utter failure. And then eventually I read a fun book and regain my will to live. This was my vacation turnaround book. It's about a sports agent who is looking into why his ex-girlfriend's missing sister is showing up in nudie mags and contacting people. Good thriller, but more importantly, the main character is funny, which makes it like reading a Dennis Lehane mystery -- even better! Also I just realized this guy wrote the book that "Tell No One" (French thriller mystery movie thingy) was based on, so that's exciting.

Just One Look, by Harlan Coben
Then I got greedy and got another Harlan Coben book, this one about a woman who gets some pictures developed and finds one in the roll of her husband and some random people from decades ago. That night her husband disappears, and she has to track down who the other people in the picture are and figure out what happened to them all and why they're dying. Good mystery but not funny like Deal Breaker. Still, book trend for this trip is clearly mistaken identities and fake dead people.

The Rainmaker, by John Grisham
Obviously I don't think I'm too good for John Grisham, but I'm not gonna lie to you, I only read half of this. It was 3,000 pages and probably would have made a good L&O:CI (reminder: new season on USA -- thanks, DVR!), but if you can't give me one interesting character or subplot or build intrigue in the first 1,500 pages, look, it's vacation. Sad face!

Revolutionary Road, by Richard Yates
Mini-trend -- Kate Winslet movie books. This was an entertaining look at suppressed suburban malaise, but having seen the movie it was hard to imagine the characters as anything but Kate and Leo and awesome Michael Shannon.