Where Would You Find a Book About Living in Zero-Gravity?

In the non-friction section!!!

Meet the Future Mr. And Mr. Imaginary Nurse

So this weekend I was doing what everyone does from time to time, shopping for kids online. (Since I'm now too fat to ever be marketable dating-wise, I decided I should skip to the next phase of my adult development.)

ANYWAY that's how I met these wonderful boys and I really wish I were a grown-up and/or a nurse who could find work in Alaska and/or a squillionaire. Because then I could adopt them and we could all live in a cone-shaped house with a fake polar bear rug in the middle of the floor and sleep in single beds shaped like sleighs (each one relative to our height) and have Easter egg hunts and oh my god.

I am thinking of asking my mom, the Actual Nurse, to adopt them and then I'll just come get them in a couple of years when I can support them. I'm her favorite, so it just might work. And she wants grandkids so this is perfect, she can just get them started for me.

Two New Lows

Last week I turned off Intervention before the first commercial. A whiny bulimic boozer dude? Snore.

Then tonight I started walking to the gym and then was so tired I turned around before I was halfway down the block. But don't worry, I ate two dinners to make up for it.

I bet if I died I'd look like the Montauk Monster.

So Last Week I'm On The Phone

And some guy who wants to do partner content (with my real job, not this amazing piece of bloggery) says that we share a lot of the same ideaspace. So in the future, when you hear that I've died from a self-inflicted gunshot wound to the ideaspace, you will know where I got the term.

Movie Review: The Dark Knight

This dystopian docudrama follows, in real time, six days in the lives of two rival criminals as they engage in prankster brinkmanship.

Along the way, they reference 9/11 and the Oklahoma City bombing as a means of proving that President Bush was the real hero for staying the course. Because you may lose a few men, but you don't negotiate with lunatic thugs—you hang them.

As a bonus, the movie is so long and boring and bleak that your mind wanders to what happens when the next terrorists hit and you have to leave the city on foot and try to figure out the best way to kill your cats so that they don't suffer when you abandon them, and then you hope you die. The end. John McCain 2008.

And speaking of movies that America loves I will tell you what other movie was boring. The George Clooney Tilda Swinton lawyer movie that was all the rage. Michael Clayton I think it might have been called. The whole g-d movie was about a memo that, if the dude was so tortured about having, he could have just faxed anonymously. I mean the end. Why all the talky talk and the alleged acty-act? The Dark Knight forced me to relive this rage all over again.

Style Consult, Please

I'm a big enough man (literally, so fat) to admit when I need help. Like now. I need someone to help me understand Ed Hardy clothing. Three months ago I feel like I'd never heard of him/it. First I started seeing it on the gays, and I did not think anything of it, for I was not a gay. Then I started seeing it on the Euros, and still I did not think anything of it, for I was not a Euro. And now I'm seeing it on the urban youth, and I am thinking something of it. I'm thinking, "What exactly does this label culturally signify?!?" I'm not evolved enough to admit there may be a type of clothing that appeals to people across the board. I need to know what subculture I'm looking at. So please, someone explain.

But also the Ed Hardy bathing suits at Macy's were like the best ones there.

Photo Library Findings

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