Secrets of Free Cone Day

Because I'm an out-of-the-closet ice cream fan and overall disgusting hog, I got a lot of emails from people asking if I was going to Ben & Jerry's annual free cone day. So I'd like to break it down for you using something I like to call math. An ice cream cone the rest of the year costs like, what, $5, max? Seriously.

Step one: Divide the amount you make annually by (the number of hours you work each week times the number of weeks per year you go to work). That's your hourly wage.

Step two: Multiply the number of hours you'd spend finding, getting to, and standing in line at a free cone locations by the number you found in step one. Is that number more than the $5 paying for you cone would cost? If so, you just lost money on the deal. Especially if you then factor in the square root of standing in line with a bunch of tourist families and wacky college students.

This is actually some advice I took from consumer advocate Ron Burley, who says to stop fighting a retail dispute if the value of the time you've spent arguing your side threatens to become greater than the amount you stand to gain. It's also the argument I use when I want to justify not doing my own laundry.

By that token, btw, community college is a bit more expensive than it seems, because you have to go there in person during business hours to have someone sign a piece of paper saying you can take a class... then return in person during business hours to be allowed into a room where you use a public internet connection to sign up yourself up for said class... thanks, school!