Maybe it's just my autism speaking, but this seems like a horrible idea, primarily on account of this.
Pardon me while I sympathy vomit.
Monday, March 10, 2008
Journal Article: New Malady!
I read an intern resume today from someone who wrote in her cover letter that when she thinks of our company, her "stomach literally fills with butterflies." Paging Discovery Health!
Awesome Mind Puzzle/TV Review
What is even more boring, grueling, and annoying than going on a rilly long bike ride and having to sleep outdoors with all the females you know?
Watching a show about it. New low, ladykins!
Watching a show about it. New low, ladykins!
Facts for Americans: Issue 1
A new feature in which I offer easy, informative tips that help you help me.
1. FACT If I can smell your perfume, you're wearing too much of it. Also, you are gross and no one really likes you!
2. FACT If you can't be bothered to put the date of your event in the Evite subject line, I can't be bothered to click once for reference, then look again later, then RSVP, then go back to write down where it is, then attend. Also, you are insecure or you would be confident that a simple, one-click email would be alluring enough to your viewers.
3. FACT If you ask what celebrity you look like, and then reply to the person's blank stare* with, "Just don't tell me I look like Matt Damon"? You don't look like Matt Damon.
* Afterward: The celebrity I was thinking of but couldn't remember at the time was a sneetch. Seriously, in profile, it was uncanny. Far cry from Sexiest Man Alive, thank you very much.
1. FACT If I can smell your perfume, you're wearing too much of it. Also, you are gross and no one really likes you!
2. FACT If you can't be bothered to put the date of your event in the Evite subject line, I can't be bothered to click once for reference, then look again later, then RSVP, then go back to write down where it is, then attend. Also, you are insecure or you would be confident that a simple, one-click email would be alluring enough to your viewers.
3. FACT If you ask what celebrity you look like, and then reply to the person's blank stare* with, "Just don't tell me I look like Matt Damon"? You don't look like Matt Damon.
* Afterward: The celebrity I was thinking of but couldn't remember at the time was a sneetch. Seriously, in profile, it was uncanny. Far cry from Sexiest Man Alive, thank you very much.
Stuff White People Hate
I believe there is a time and a place for every power struggle but when it comes to my relationship with my cleaning lady, I should have the upper hand.
It's true. I'm entitled. Still. First there was the scheduling conflict. I get up at 8:30, she insisted on coming over at 8, because that's when's good for her. Then the throwing-away of the cat toys. The constant hiding of the stuffed marsupail, presumably because I'm too old FTS.
Now it's reorganizing my shelves. I made one teeny tiny attempt at decorating, as inspired by a special someone: Books get organized by the color of their spine, knick knacks are placed accordingly. But no, I come home, the picture with me in a pink dress is by the black-spined books. The blue toy is by the red white and black books; the blue bottle on the orange/brown shelf. What?!? I know! It's madness, I tell you.
The internet: Catch the reference.
It's true. I'm entitled. Still. First there was the scheduling conflict. I get up at 8:30, she insisted on coming over at 8, because that's when's good for her. Then the throwing-away of the cat toys. The constant hiding of the stuffed marsupail, presumably because I'm too old FTS.
Now it's reorganizing my shelves. I made one teeny tiny attempt at decorating, as inspired by a special someone: Books get organized by the color of their spine, knick knacks are placed accordingly. But no, I come home, the picture with me in a pink dress is by the black-spined books. The blue toy is by the red white and black books; the blue bottle on the orange/brown shelf. What?!? I know! It's madness, I tell you.
The internet: Catch the reference.
Roy G. FMe
Tonight we got our tests back. No, not the sheet with the questions on them. The Scantron sheets. Yes, we got a grid back with nothing to compare it to. Genius.
Two months ago I wasn't sure of the difference between a class at a real school that costs $1100 per credit and this one for $150. Turns out that extra $950 buys you one thing: context. It's like if there were a whole class on light, spectral colors, and the refractive index. $1100 per credit gives you an explanation of all the factors and how the whole system functions. The bargain-basement teacher strolls in and gives you nothing more or less than "Roy G Biv."
When students ask questions, our teacher frequently responds with some variation of, "You don't got to know that, just write this down, figure it out later." I loathe chemistry and am hardly in the mood for a challenge, but I'd imagine it'd be pretty disappointing if I, say, wanted a functional understanding of the subject matter.
Wednesday I asked a question and the conversation went like this:
Me: Can you help me do these electron configurations? I got most of them but this one has an odd number of electrons and I'm having trouble.
Teacher: Oh, I didn't teach you how to do that.
Me: I know, but I read the chapter and learned to do them, but I can't figure this one out.
Teacher: Oh, that's wonderful! What did you get on your test?
Me: 100. (Psh.)
Teacher: How great! You make me feel like I'm doing something right.
SEE PREVIOUS.
Two months ago I wasn't sure of the difference between a class at a real school that costs $1100 per credit and this one for $150. Turns out that extra $950 buys you one thing: context. It's like if there were a whole class on light, spectral colors, and the refractive index. $1100 per credit gives you an explanation of all the factors and how the whole system functions. The bargain-basement teacher strolls in and gives you nothing more or less than "Roy G Biv."
When students ask questions, our teacher frequently responds with some variation of, "You don't got to know that, just write this down, figure it out later." I loathe chemistry and am hardly in the mood for a challenge, but I'd imagine it'd be pretty disappointing if I, say, wanted a functional understanding of the subject matter.
Wednesday I asked a question and the conversation went like this:
Me: Can you help me do these electron configurations? I got most of them but this one has an odd number of electrons and I'm having trouble.
Teacher: Oh, I didn't teach you how to do that.
Me: I know, but I read the chapter and learned to do them, but I can't figure this one out.
Teacher: Oh, that's wonderful! What did you get on your test?
Me: 100. (Psh.)
Teacher: How great! You make me feel like I'm doing something right.
SEE PREVIOUS.
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