eGay

Recently I decided to get rid of some crap in my house, so I turned to eBay. I wasn’t out to make money, I just wanted stuff to go to someone who’d want it (or would put more effort into reselling it than I would). I happily sold a factory-sealed DVD box set I’d gotten free at work for $3. Good deal for them, right? I suppose there were early warning signs that my buyer was a micromanager:

8/10
Hi, Just wanted to let you know that I paid through pay pal and would you please mark the package three times with fragile on it. Have a great day. look forward to getting my law and order season 2 bye for now.

I sent the discs, then went on vacation. That’s when the COMPLETE AND UTTER PANIC started.

8/17
Hi I am realy said that I have to write to you. I got the Law and order second year a couple of days ago and last night we watched it for the first time. It arrived in great shape your shipping and packaging was first class. Episode one was great and then on the second show. the DVD player just jammed. and I cleaned teh dvd and tried again and the show jamed at the same spot. My player works great I watched dvds before and after i tried the law and order. so I am sorry but I think I need to get a full refund. I would like your address so I can send this back to you. I know you are just starting out in Ebay and I am sorry to bring you this problem. Have a great day.

Annoying, sure, but I’m on vacation and don’t care if someone feels they deserve a refund for their THREE DOLLARS. So I push the button to refund the money with a note to throw the discs away. (FYI, somehow the most appalling part of this to me is the implication that I'm "starting out" on eBay as some sort of income thing. I mean, three dollars people.)

8/19
Dear Seller<>

I mean. Just resell the discs already this is too much work to go through, especially since the tale reeks of either BS or OCD. Regardless, I send an email to the address listed saying it’s fine to throw the “defective disc” away.

8/21
dear seller this is my third email to you. once again thank you for the refund. I want to know waht you want me to do I can either mail law and order second season back to you or trash it. If you want me to mail it back i need your address if you want me to trash it I will. If i do not hear from you in the next two day I will just throw it away. have a great day.

8/22
Dear Seller: I just got off the phone with paypal and I can not just throw the dvd away I need a olay form you through the EMail or you can send me your address. Either way I can do I just want to resolve this. It is starting to be a problem. I just want to do right by you. So please an email saying throw season two law and order away or please give your address so I can send it back. Please respond to me. I was just going to throw the dvd away but I call paypl to make sure i could and they said I need writen instruction from you since it is your dvds. by for now.

This time I respond with “I have written you two times to say it’s fine to throw the discs away.” But don’t worry! My penpalship isn’t over yet! (Sidenote: Really? You called paypal to ask if you could throw away a DVD some stranger sent you?)

8/23
Thanks you that was so cool. I just got to see the email on Yahoo mail. It is all my bad and thank you again for the refund and the understanding . No more email from me I promise and thanks again.

I'm starting to see why I uncharacteristically liked the sci-fi book my brother sent me. People like this buyer and my boss make being eaten by zombies sound like sweet, sweet relief.

UPDATE
8/25
Imagine my delight to get an email with the subject line: "Please connect with me :)" with (what I pray is) a Reunion.com form letter that says:

I looked for you on Reunion.com, but you weren't there.

Please connect with me so we can keep in touch.